Keys To Conversations With Young Men - Part #3

Part #1
Part #2 

   Like the funny bonus videos that play at the end of a movie as the credits roll, this post is going to be comprised of a few more words of advice that didn't fit into the last two posts.   So here we go.

Avoid private, One-on-One Discussions

     We have all witnessed couples who isolate themselves from a group of people, giggling and sharing, acting as though no one else were around.  While it might seen fun and innocent at first, I can assure you that temptation is ramped up in private discussions.  Without any listening ears, it is much easier to let our guard down and share inappropriate or unnecessary information.  Not only that but Proverbs 18:1 teaches: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."  It isn't wise to put yourself in a situation where it's just you and a young man without anyone else around or to seek to get alone with a young man.  Is it okay to talk with young men and even do some one-on-one, I would just encourage you to have these conversations in environments where there are lots of people around such as at a coffee shop or at your church.  Just keep in mind that the Bible warns us to "flee youthful passions..."

(2 Timothy 2:22)  Avoid situations where those passions would be aroused. 

A Helpful Question

     How would I interact with this young man if my husband was standing right next to me?    

     I know you are going to have to use your imagination, but bear with me.  Ultimately, we need to get into the mindset that we aren't man hunting.  God knows who our spouse is going to be and he is perfectly capable of working out the details.  Our goal for this season of our life is to save ourselves for that man as we wait on the Lord.  With this in mind, let us remember that as we communicate with the opposite sex, we should be honoring our future mate. 

"(The virtuous woman) does him (her husband) good, 

and not harm, all the days (even before she meets him!) of her life."

Proverbs 31:12

      So..would your husbands feels honored if he was standing next to you through your verbal and non-verbal communications with other men?  Ask yourself this question next time your in a conversation. 

Touchy Topics

     Kelly, Katie and Kyle were all having a nice conversation until...Kyle, in an attempt to make everyone laugh stated pulling out the bathroom humor.  Kelly and Katie didn't feel comfortable but...what were they supposed to do?  

     Ok, let's be honest.  We have all been in the above situation and maybe some of us have even played the roles of Kyle. Whether is was a story about someone's zipper being down, personal hygiene issues or some funny joke that started on the middle school play ground, it might have seemed funny.  It easy to get sucked into conversations along this line and just because we think it's 'just for laughs' doesn't make it appropriate.  Ephesians 5:4 commands us, "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place."  Why should we avoid these topics, especially in conversations with young men?   The bottom line is it's out of place and inappropriate.  Discussions, comments or even bathroom humor turns our thoughts to what is impure instead of exhorting one another in godliness.  Remember the goal is to point others to Christ and to display His purity through our words. 

     What to do when you are on the receiving end of these comments or jokes?  Stand for what is right.  It might mean being the only one who doesn't laugh or changing the subject.  It might be awkward but I can guarantee that it will send the right message.  

And if you don't remember anything else....please remember this point.

   Everything I just told you throw out the window.  Why?  Because the key to good guy/girl relationships isn't following a bunch of rules laid out in blog posts.  Rather, the key to honoring the Lord in this area of our lives is following His lead and yielding to His Spirit and His Word.  If the cry of our hearts is not absolute surrender to the Lord of our hearts, tagging on a few principles is pointless because it will only lead to greater morality and self-righteousness.  But if your desire is to honor the Lord, I encourage you to seek His face and ask Him for wisdom in this area of your life.  And if you find that some of what I have shared is in line with His Word, then head it as the way of wisdom and walk in it...FOR HIS GLORY!

Wednesdays In The Word: Romans 6:17-19

"But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed,  and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness... For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification."

Run To The Battle

"For the last two thousand years, the battle for the advancement of the Kingdom of Christ has been a costly one.  It is estimated that since the first century over fifty million Christians have been martyred  for their faith in the Lord, and this number is only increasing...How should we respond to such terrible casualties?  There is only one answer: we should run headlong into the battle and give our very lives for the only cause that will stand - the coming of the kingdom of our Lord and God."

- Paul Washer -

Waiting For You...With Great Aniticipation

To the man God is preparing for me,
     Can I fully put into words the emotions and longings that course through me when I think of you?  It's a deep, intense longing to love you, serve you but most of all, to know you.  You see, I don't even know who you are.  I just know I am waiting for you.

~ 

Dear Lord,
     You are my God.  I am your humble servant and I long for Your return.  You have called me to a living hope and to an undefiled, unfading inheritance. Therefore, I am simply a pilgrim, a stranger in this land longing for Your eternal kingdom, longing for Your return so that I may see You face to face.

~

      Ever since I was little, I have dreamed of being married.  However, I now desire to love and serve you because it has a greater purpose beyond the here and now.  Marriage is momentary, only lasting a life time, but the purpose it serves is eternal as it paints a picture of the gospel to this lost and dying world.  As I submit to you,  it will exemplify what it mean for us, as members of Christ's body, to submit to Him and as you love, cherish and give yourself up for me as Christ has for the church, it will demonstrate to this world what a wonderful Savior we serve. 

~

     Jesus, you are my Lord because you are my Redeemer.   Though I was Your enemy, defiled by sin, You did not cast me off but had mercy on me.  You redeemed me from the pit and gave me life through Your atoning death.  I have been washed clean in the blood of the Lamb and now am adorned in the righteous robes of Christ.  From start to finish, You have redeemed this helpless soul and now I am completely reliant on You for Your righteousness.  You are my Redeemer.

~

      Because of the longing I have for you and the desire to showcase God's power through marriage, I will make myself ready.  By God's grace I will grow closer to my heavenly Bridegroom so that when you, my earthly bridegroom come to momentarily redeem me through marriage, I will be ready, clothed in the humility and purity of Christ.  I want to be yours completely so for now, I will learn to be wholeheartedly consecrated to Christ as He draws me to Himself.   I will make myself ready for you. 

~

     Through Your infinite wisdom, God, You have created momentary marriage to be a picture of a marriage that is coming that will be everlasting.  As the bride of Christ, I will make myself ready.  I must not waste these precious moments so help me to redeem the time as I eagerly await Your return.  You are coming back! May my deepest longing be to run with endurance the race You have set before me, so that as I persevere on the narrow path, I may be purified through You and for You.  Oh how I await the moment when I will meet You, Jesus Christ, my Redeemer, my Bridegroom and lay down my life at Your feet once and for all.  That is a marriage I can't help but long for.

~

I am waiting for you, with great anticipation.

~

I am waiting for You, with great anticipation.

Wednesdays In The Word: 1 Peter 5:5-7

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud

 but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God 

so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, 

because he cares for you.

 

Boundaries in Conversations With Young Men - Part #2

      I have a hidden identity.  By day, I am a mostly normal teenager but from 7:30-8:30 a.m. I am a farm girl.  Living on a hobby farm is a lot of hard work, especially when you are in charge of the goats.  One of the by-products of raising goats is not only yummy milk but also some great life lessons!  Goats are a lot like people especially in regards to their dislike for boundaries.  The grass is always greener on the other side and their curiosity for what it would be like outside the fence often gets them in trouble.  What they don't understand and what we often fail to understand is boundaries are put in place for our protection.  The edge lines of commands instituted by God enable us to freely walk in the way of blessing and protect us from the eminent harm the world's pattern of living would have on our lives.  They are not there to constrain us but rather to train us in the way of righteousness.

     In this post we are going to dive into some helpful boundaries that we should have when it comes to relationships with those of the opposite sex.  This is not a list of dos and don'ts you must follow, but rather wisdom that has been given to me and I hope to share with you!  I hope this encourages you to explore the freedom you have in relationships when the right boundaries are respected.


Boundaries:
     In her book, Set-Apart Femininity, Leslie Ludy shares a helpful analogy of how to "keep sacred things sacred".  In the Old Testament, the temple was divided into three chambers, the Outer Court, the Holy Place and the Holy of Holies.  These chambers and the level of their sacredness provided a guideline for who was allowed in these special areas. For you and I, this analogy can act as a helpful guideline for how much of our heart we should share with somebody.

The Holy of Holies - This area represents the intimate and precious part of who we are.  It is sacred and was designed to only be shared with God and your spouse.

The Holy Place - While not as sacred as the Holy of Holies, this area of our lives is still to be shared with only a select few.  People who are allowed in this arena should be parents and close friends who have proven themselves as trustworthy.  Unless you are in a relationship headed towards marriage, this is off limits to all guys. This area includes matters of the heart, your heart.

• Dreams and desires
• Emotions
• Fears
• Hurts
• Vulnerabilities
• Struggles

The Outer Court - We are still in the temple so even this area of our life isn't a free for all.  It's one step below a surface relationship because of the communion shared at this level is often spiritual.  Things in the list below would be included in this category.

• Words of encouragement
• Prayer
• Discussion about doctrine/theology
• Edifying speech that builds up

Outside the temple - This area includes everything else and is pretty much open to the public.  Conversations and fellowship that spring from outside the temple would include:

• Conversations/friendships with non-believers
• A friendship with someone you just met
• Friendships with young men who you don't know very well or hasn't showed himself deserving of any more of your heart. 

Learn To Share Your Heart With the Right People: 
     While it is extremely important to guard your heart, it is also healthy to share your heart with the right people. Like a soda can on a hot day, our heart can often be so full of emotions. thoughts, fears and frustrations that if we don't tell someone something we are going to explode!  So who are the right people to share our heart's with?

1) God - Did you know God already knows you heart?  He knows it even better than you do so why don't you share it with Him?!  Lay your dreams and desires at the feet of your Savior.  Pour out your heart to Him because He cares for you!  Allow the Lord to become your all in all and your delight. 

2) Your Dad - One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to learn to share your heart with your dad because once marriage hits, your not always going to have your girlfriends around.  You are going to have to communicate with a guy who thinks differently than you.  Communicating with your dad now can help prepare you for marriage one day, if that is God's plan for your life. Also, when you share your heart with your dad it strengthens your relationship with him.  One of the greatest blessings a girl can have is a strong relationship with her dad as he is her protector during this season of her life.  It is hard for dad's to know how to best encourage and pray for you if you don't share your heart with them.
          - Also, when looking for a mate, be looking for a young man who shares his heart with other men because if he isn't willing to share with other men, he's not going to share it with you.  By the way, sharing your heart means more than just talking about the latest football game:)

3) Godly friends/Mentors - One of the greatest blessings in a young girl's life can be godly friends who are her age or older.  One of my best friends is a mentor who has eight kids of her own!   But how do you now if a friend is a godly friend?  A godly friend will pray for you.  Those are the people you want to share your heart with because it's not going to stop there.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

                                                

Wednesdays In The Word: Revelation 3:11

I am coming soon.

Is God's Truth Reigning?

It is time that we allow the Word of God, not the glamorized lies of Hollywood, to become to cornerstone of our convictions, thoughts, and attitudes,  It is time we trade the emptiness of pop culture entertainment for the real-life existance.  Only then will truth reign and rule in our lives.  Only them will our lives make an eternal impact for His Glory. 

Leslie Ludy

Keys to Conversations With Young Men - Part #1

     What comes to mind when you hear the word mystery?  "It was a dark and gloomy night....", the crime-fighting detectives Sherlock Holmes or Nancy Drew,  the elusive "Scarlet Pimpernel"  or perhaps all of the above came to mind as you read the word.  But how many of you had a godly young woman pop into your imagination upon hearing it?  Would you believe me if I told you that mystery or mystique is a key characteristic to a godly young woman?

Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart...

1 Peter 3:4

    Translated "hidden", this Greek word can also mean concealed or secret.  It refers to the deep, intimate part of who we are.  It isn't only detective stories that should be shrouded in mystery but also we as young ladies.   This is an important thing to keep in mind when we engage in conversations with young men. 

     Girls have this amazing ability to 'spill their guts' with anyone who is willing to listen.  Every girl has been designed to give her heart away....to her husband.  The danger is giving it away to the wrong person. Our heart is like a treasure chest, filled with dreams, desires, emotions, feelings, thoughts and fears. On your wedding day, do you want be able to give your husband a full chest or one that has been half emptied because boyfriend #1 has that piece and crush #55 has been handed that jewel of a dream?  We need to be cautious even in giving little parts of our heart away to the wrong person.   One of the best ways to guard our heart is to guard our conversations.
     Just as women have been designed to give their heart away, men have been created to win the heart of a woman.  Nowadays, practically all men have to do to win a girl's heart is listen and pretty soon they are hitting the "that was easy" button.  A possible prince doesn't need to gain the respect and honor of a young maiden, showing her he is worthy of her heart, if it is handed over to him.  Ladies, we do a huge miss favor to young men when we open wide the floodgates of our hearts for them to obtain full access to if they wish.  We leave ourselves vulnerable and leave men void of the opportunity to win our hearts if they so desire.

If you are interested in a young man, the best thing you can do is to let him pursue you.  Or like Elizabeth Elliott said:

"Wait on God.  Keep your mouth shut."

     But why is this really all that important?  The answer to this question is simple, our lives should be all about Christ.  In our conversations, it is easy to make ourselves the focus.  The message to young women today is get in the way of a young man's focus, but the call of Christ is to get out of the way.  We should be pointing everyone we meet to our Savior through our words.  May Christ be honored and may the young men we know be pointed to Jesus Christ.    

      There is no better way for the beauty of heaven to come cascading through our lives 

than to get out of the way so that He can be clearly seen. 

Leslie Ludy

 

 

Be sure to check back next week for part #2!  Let's make it practical....

Wednesdays In The Word: James 1:19-12

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Get An Appointment!

"Don't pray when you feel like it.  Have an appointment 

with the Lord and keep it."

Corry Ten Boom

A Proper Perspective on Guys

      When I was a little girl I couldn't wait till I was old enough to date.  Daydreaming, I imagined that some guy would pick me up, take me to a nice restaurant and then pay the bill.  What's not to look forward to?!  Since then I have come to realize there is a lot more to guy/girl relationships.  One of the ways my view has changed the most is on my perspective when it comes to young men in my life.
     According to the world, men are like extension ladders, women prop them up only to use them to get what they want.  If you desire love, you flirt, tease and flaunt your body.  If they stand in your way of achieving some form of success, you manipulate, belittle or even humiliate them to get your way.  But is that how God wants us to view the men in our lives?

"Treat....younger women as sisters, in all purity."

1 Timothy 5:2

     Paul exhorted young Timothy to treat his sisters in Christ with all purity.  For young ladies, the reverse is also true.  The brothers in Christ who surround us are deserving of honor, respect and love, in all purity.  We should esteem the young men in our lives as we encourage them to rise to the call of following Christ wholeheartedly and becoming men  of God.   This requires viewing relationships with young men in a different light.
Evaluation Points:

• In my speech, do I tease young men, try to make them feel inferior and put them down or do I honor them by esteeming them?  
• Do I honor men in the role of authority God has given them?  (specifically think about your brother and father.  How you treat them will most likely be reflected in how you treat others.)
• Is my behavior towards guys characterized by respect?

     Security, acceptance and love are often what young women are after when they desire or pursue a relationship with a young man.  However, we have it all backwards.  When approaching relationships with the opposite sex we should have the mindset of what can I give, not what can I get. 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, 

but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3 

     No young man, even your future husband will every be able to satisfy the cravings of your soul.  Only Christ can.  When there is no need to seek fulfillment in a relationship because we are completely satisfied in Christ, a door of opportunity is opened to encourage, challenge and point young men to Christ.  

Evaluation Points:

• Do I find my complete fulfillment in Christ or do I look to relationships to satisfy that hunger? 
• Does my interaction with young men follow the pattern of drawing their attention to me or pointing them to Christ?
•  Do I feel as though I have to measure up to young men or am I secure in Christ?    

     Girls can have a pretty wild imagination.  For some of us, as soon as we meet a guy we smoosh our first name and his last name together, wondering if it sounds good and if he is "the one".  While the desire to be married is completely natural, what we do with this desire will dictate whether our interaction with the opposite sex is pure.  So how do we avoid allowing this question to harm our interaction with young men? 
1) Pray - I have found the minute this question pops into my mind that consciously praying works wonders.  When left at the Lord's feet He, I know that it is in His hands and that He will work out His plan.  The responsibility is off my shoulders and in His.
2) He's not available - We ladies do a good job at playing the "name it claim it game".   If he's single and I like him, he's mine.  Rather, we should have the opposite mindset.  I can put no claim on any young man until we have said, "I do."  If He is "the one", for now He belongs to God and if he isn't, this young man belongs to another woman.  I need to treat him as if he's not "the one" by viewing him as already married.
                    - If you are really struggling in your feelings towards a particular young man, I would encourage  you to pray for his future wife.  Earnestly ask God to prepare her for marriage, sanctify her in His truth and bring her to this young man's life in His timing.
3) Fully Fulfilled - What we must ask ourselves is, "Why do I even have these thoughts or feelings towards young men I might not really know?"  The answer: we are hungry, hungry for love, affection, acceptance and appreciation.  We must come to the realization that no one can fulfill or satisfy us, only Christ can.  He must become our all in all, the husband of our souls and the One we abide in.   The woman at the well had to go through five husbands before she found that only Christ could satisfy her longing soul.  May we not make the same mistake.