Boundaries in Conversations With Young Men - Part #2

      I have a hidden identity.  By day, I am a mostly normal teenager but from 7:30-8:30 a.m. I am a farm girl.  Living on a hobby farm is a lot of hard work, especially when you are in charge of the goats.  One of the by-products of raising goats is not only yummy milk but also some great life lessons!  Goats are a lot like people especially in regards to their dislike for boundaries.  The grass is always greener on the other side and their curiosity for what it would be like outside the fence often gets them in trouble.  What they don't understand and what we often fail to understand is boundaries are put in place for our protection.  The edge lines of commands instituted by God enable us to freely walk in the way of blessing and protect us from the eminent harm the world's pattern of living would have on our lives.  They are not there to constrain us but rather to train us in the way of righteousness.

     In this post we are going to dive into some helpful boundaries that we should have when it comes to relationships with those of the opposite sex.  This is not a list of dos and don'ts you must follow, but rather wisdom that has been given to me and I hope to share with you!  I hope this encourages you to explore the freedom you have in relationships when the right boundaries are respected.


Boundaries:
     In her book, Set-Apart Femininity, Leslie Ludy shares a helpful analogy of how to "keep sacred things sacred".  In the Old Testament, the temple was divided into three chambers, the Outer Court, the Holy Place and the Holy of Holies.  These chambers and the level of their sacredness provided a guideline for who was allowed in these special areas. For you and I, this analogy can act as a helpful guideline for how much of our heart we should share with somebody.

The Holy of Holies - This area represents the intimate and precious part of who we are.  It is sacred and was designed to only be shared with God and your spouse.

The Holy Place - While not as sacred as the Holy of Holies, this area of our lives is still to be shared with only a select few.  People who are allowed in this arena should be parents and close friends who have proven themselves as trustworthy.  Unless you are in a relationship headed towards marriage, this is off limits to all guys. This area includes matters of the heart, your heart.

• Dreams and desires
• Emotions
• Fears
• Hurts
• Vulnerabilities
• Struggles

The Outer Court - We are still in the temple so even this area of our life isn't a free for all.  It's one step below a surface relationship because of the communion shared at this level is often spiritual.  Things in the list below would be included in this category.

• Words of encouragement
• Prayer
• Discussion about doctrine/theology
• Edifying speech that builds up

Outside the temple - This area includes everything else and is pretty much open to the public.  Conversations and fellowship that spring from outside the temple would include:

• Conversations/friendships with non-believers
• A friendship with someone you just met
• Friendships with young men who you don't know very well or hasn't showed himself deserving of any more of your heart. 

Learn To Share Your Heart With the Right People: 
     While it is extremely important to guard your heart, it is also healthy to share your heart with the right people. Like a soda can on a hot day, our heart can often be so full of emotions. thoughts, fears and frustrations that if we don't tell someone something we are going to explode!  So who are the right people to share our heart's with?

1) God - Did you know God already knows you heart?  He knows it even better than you do so why don't you share it with Him?!  Lay your dreams and desires at the feet of your Savior.  Pour out your heart to Him because He cares for you!  Allow the Lord to become your all in all and your delight. 

2) Your Dad - One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to learn to share your heart with your dad because once marriage hits, your not always going to have your girlfriends around.  You are going to have to communicate with a guy who thinks differently than you.  Communicating with your dad now can help prepare you for marriage one day, if that is God's plan for your life. Also, when you share your heart with your dad it strengthens your relationship with him.  One of the greatest blessings a girl can have is a strong relationship with her dad as he is her protector during this season of her life.  It is hard for dad's to know how to best encourage and pray for you if you don't share your heart with them.
          - Also, when looking for a mate, be looking for a young man who shares his heart with other men because if he isn't willing to share with other men, he's not going to share it with you.  By the way, sharing your heart means more than just talking about the latest football game:)

3) Godly friends/Mentors - One of the greatest blessings in a young girl's life can be godly friends who are her age or older.  One of my best friends is a mentor who has eight kids of her own!   But how do you now if a friend is a godly friend?  A godly friend will pray for you.  Those are the people you want to share your heart with because it's not going to stop there.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)